I went on a wellness retreat this past weekend. Took some time out to relax and focus on yoga, meditation and mindfulness.
The experience was emotional and painful. But it was also restorative, relaxing and healing. We embraced nature, clean eating, and a complete lack of judgment. It was a safe place to both laugh and cry. And I have made a new circle of friends that give me strength and encouragement.
Our sessions focused on mapping out the successes and challenges in our lives. We talked openly about what we thought of our bodies and challenged society’s ideas of “perfection”. We shared our fears. (Including the deep down ones that you don’t like to talk about.) We set goals and reminded each other of how we were all beautiful people.
We also explored personal affirmations. Positive statements to repeat to ourselves going forward that would start to re-wire our brains. To believe in ourselves. And we created special bracelets to remind us of that affirmation. A token from the weekend, packed with positive energy to support us going forward.
Let me tell you about mine…
I love my body
(or at least I want to)
My body is over 40 now, and suffers from the inevitable aging and wrinkles that come with time. I compare myself too often with people who are younger … “perfect” … and worry that the people I love won’t see me as beautiful.
I have 7 scars on my abdomen. Three from a surgery I had as a child. One from having my appendix out. And three more from bringing two girls and a boy into the world by cesarean section. I have no “core” muscles left to speak of. But my tummy still works. I love food … making and sharing beautiful dishes with friends. I can do a funny “buddha belly” impression. And I wouldn’t trade my beautiful children for anything.
I am six feet tall. I love how this brings me confidence and presence when I walk into a room. My height is all in my legs, so I accept that I will always have to buy trousers at a specialty shop.
I love my hair. It’s long and it’s one of my defining features. A few years ago I felt that it was starting to lose it’s brightness though. Not going grey (yet!). But not as vibrant as it used to be. So I started dying it. Just a shade lighter … to feel more like me.
But I was in the supermarket about six months ago, and my son saw me pick up a package of hair dye. He had a major negative reaction. You see he has red-blonde hair … in the UK it’s called “ginger” and although I think it’s stunning most teenagers disagree. He’s had to deal with a lot of bullying over it, and my husband and I have always tried to reinforce that it’s a beautiful part of him. That he should try to accept it and come to love it.
He reminded me of this in the grocery store. Why wasn’t I accepting myself just as I am? He asked if everything I had taught him growing up was a lie. Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.
We did a handshake deal that day in the supermarket. I would stop dying my hair and accept myself as I am. And he would try to manage the negative thoughts in his head about his hair colour. We would try to do it together. I do find it hard though. Six months on … it’s growing out, and I’m trying to ignore that those roots, stay strong and honour my commitment.
My body is in a lot of pain. I injured my elbow a few years back and it has never properly healed. I cannot hold anything heavier than a cup of tea in my right hand. This has a big impact on daily tasks such as getting dressed (ever try to fasten a bra with one hand?), stirring a pot for dinner, or making ID bracelets as part of my business.
I’ve had steroid injections, physical therapy, deep tissue manipulation, and am now going through shock wave therapy … one of the most painful treatments you can have in a bony area. I went in for my 3rd treatment yesterday and sat with tears streaming down my face while they administered 2500 electric shocks to my elbow.
But it hasn’t beaten me yet. I still feed and care for my family, have amazing friends, and have a successful business despite this limitation.
I made an important decision at the wellness retreat. It's time to stop focussing on the negatives, and start loving my body. I am who I am. It gives me challenges but it also transports me through life and facilitates great experiences along the way.
I have put this on my affirmation bracelet as a daily reminder that I am strong and beautiful. And that I am okay just as I am.
This past weekend has given me the confidence to make a start on some of my fears. And it’s given me a push to start creating affirmation bracelets to help other people. If you are open about your fears and reinforce what is beautiful about you … what would you put on yours?
This is so beautiful. I often think how strange it is that we tend to be harsh about ourselves but it would never occur to us to say what we say about ourselves to our friends. We probably wouldn’t even think it! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked in the mirror and been disgusted by my body or walked around my home and felt it was such a mess. Or compared myself to others who manage to cook and keep their home beautiful and children happy. But I never look at friends and see anything other than their beauty and focus on the good and only notice imperfections when they point it out. I think this blog is honest and beautiful and raw. Thank you for sharing. ?
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February 03, 2018
Honest and truly inspiring! My affirmation bracelet says love, a personal reminder to me of the incredible power of this small four letter word. Thank you Tanya for your guidance and patience during the workshop…. oh, and the laughter! You’ve helped me make something that brings a smile to my face every day.